Part One: Through The Trenches

This part one is going to be covering an experience that changed my life. It sounds dramatic I know. Now whether or not it changed the course of my life, I suppose only God knows that. As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy. I don't think you ever wake up one day and think that there's a possibility you could be diagnosed with a lifelong condition. I know that I didn't.

It started when I went on a church trip to Tennessee. During my trip I began to sleepwalk but had jerks in my arms and legs, causing me to fall and hit my face on the wall and the bathtub. This continued on for almost two years. It happened usually in the morning time. I would drop plates and fall in the shower and in gas stations (long story :). Because of this I would forget sentences and black out for a split-second. Eventually we had tests done. I did an MRI and an EEG. Nothing. It was because the tests weren't done on sleep deprivation, which would induce the jerks. So we went to a neurologist who diagnosed me with JME without any tests. Typical right?

My type of epilepsy is alot easier to manage, but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced what epilepsy so graciously has to offer. I had my first seizure in April of 2017. Which resulted in the creepy looking eye pictured here:

I've had several since then, but I can't really keep track. I had three more towards the end of 2017 and one at the beginning of 2018. Right now, they're the most controlled they've ever been...and I'm grateful. That doesn't mean I still don't wish things. Wish that things were "normal". Wish that things were easier. Wish that I didn't have to take 50 different pills. Wish that I didn't have to explain my condition to people and eventually future boyfriends. Wish that I didn't have to see and hear others make jokes using the word seizure so lightly. But you know what, we wish alot of things and they may not come true. That's life now isn't it? 

I struggled to find who I was with the Epilepsy. It didn't feel like me. Yet, still I placed my self worth in it. I let it bring so much negative into my life. So much self-doubt and pessimism. I think sometimes we let the world define our self-worth, in whatever form that may be. I wish I could say I've yet to define myself by God's standards, but I haven't. When you go almost your whole life without something like Epilepsy and suddenly it hits you, it takes awhile to adjust. Don't stop trying to find God's opinion of you...and don't stop trying to believe it. 

So that was as short as I could get it. I hope you got through. I won't be going over the positives until the last part of the series in hopes that you will hang on till the end. And I promise, there will be a positive. God Bless, Kendall Roberts.