One may wonder how someone who has never had a boyfriend can give advice on relationships. What if I were to tell you that the reason I have yet to have a boyfriend is not because I haven't had the opportunity, but because I am waiting for the right one?
As I stated in Part One of this series, we do not like to be alone. This is especially relevant when talking about dating. This loneliness often leads people to seek for comfort, acceptance, and attention in the wrong people. Not only is this a very dangerous place to find oneself in, but can lead to undesirable consequences.
What kind of person should you look for? Is casual dating even a thing? What does a Godly relationship look like?
1. What kind of person should you look for?
- As a Christian, you should be looking for someone who is also a Christian as seen in 2 Corinthians 6:14 and Amos 3:3.
- If the person you want to date or are dating is not a Christian, it is your duty to try and bring them to Christ.
- If you make no effort to study with them, you are not only abandoning what God calls you to do, but you are not creating a sound foundation for the future of your relationship.
- You should be looking for someone who will support you in your faith, initiating prayer and devotionals (just as you should too).
- Are they active in the church? Whether it be leading prayers, serving communion, etc. are they involved?
- Do they practice their faith outside of church?
- You should be looking for someone who will help you strengthen your relationship with God.
- Find a guy/girl who works with you to abstain from sexual temptation (see previous post).
- If the guy/girl does not find it necessary to involve family and friends in the relationship in order to reduce temptation, it's time to either have a life-changing conversation or say goodbye.
- Does the object of your affection spend time with people who have the same values?
- Do they proudly talk about their faith and make it known to their friends?
- Are they spiritually and emotionally mature?
- Do they obey and respect their parents?
- Are they earnestly working on their faults and making a sincere effort to repent from the sins they struggle with?
2. Is casual dating even a thing?
- No.
- By Christian standards, one should date to marry.
- Dating casually implies that marriage is not your idea of being joined with another person. Sexual temptation is stronger and abstaining seems to be less important when the significance is not placed on marriage.
- Now that we have decided that casual dating is not a practice one should be involved in, we can conclude that choosing the right person to date means we should be looking for someone to spend the rest of our lives with.
- This makes it all the more important to choose a worthy man or woman to be with.
3. What does a Godly relationship look like?
- Let us refer to the love chapter starting in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
- I am not sure where this came from, but I once stumbled across an excerpt where it was told to insert the name of the person with whom your interest lies into the passage.
- "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
- So...did they fit?
- Let's make one thing clear. It is very plausible that a person can be kind, humble, patient, etc. and still be involved in sinful behavior. Sin does not always present itself as something dark and evil. Sometimes, it seems comfortable and without fault. That is what makes it so scary.
- If you believe what you have with someone is love, evaluate every part of it.
- If you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are involved with each other sexually, it is not love. Not according to 1 Corinthians 13:6.
- Love does not rejoice in evil or wrongdoing. If it is a Godly love, a Christian love, and a true love, it will flourish in God's truth...not in sin and earthly desires.
The Solution:
- Even if it means being alone, you should search for someone who meets all of the requirements that God deems important.
- Do not place so much emphasis on having a girlfriend or boyfriend that it becomes the only place you find your worth.
- By studying how God views you and searching the Word for His intentions, you will find your worth in Him instead of in another person.
- Find the parts of yourself which make you feel like you have to have a girlfriend or boyfriend to feel loved, attractive, or important. Ask yourself if those are valid thoughts. What does God say?
- Open up to a fellow brother or sister in Christ. Speak to them about their marriage and how they built it in God's truth.
- Realize that many people have pursued a relationship they believed to be "OK" and are now married to someone who refuses to attend church, support their endeavors in Christ, and someone who makes no attempt to practice Godliness.
- It is better to be alone, searching for someone who God intends for you to be with, than to ignore God's will for you and end up with someone whose life does not align with your faith.
Verses to Remember:
- 1 Peter 3:7
- Proverbs 31:30
- Proverbs 18:22
- Ephesians 5:33
- Ephesians 5:28
I hope and pray you find the truth in this. Any opinions, comments, or questions are welcome. I pray that God will prick hearts through this or give answers to those who need them through these words.
God Bless, Kendall Roberts
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